Online vs. Offline Relationships by @patmrhoads | Spin Sucks

This week our guest posts focus on adapting the traditional to the new.?The week will culminate on Thursday with a?webinar on How to Socialize Your Newsroom.

Today: Relationships?by?Pat Rhoads.

Last month Gini Dietrich asked, ?Is Facebook making us more lonely??

Her post was based on a study in The Atlantic, concluding that indeed people seem to be more lonely in the age of social media.

The theory is that greater numbers of connections had not led to more meaningful ones. Gini?s reaction is she was torn about how she felt.

But I was not torn.

Although the study had ?a number of valid observations, I disagree it is making us more lonely. The social media tools aren?t to blame; how we use them is the culprit.

I lost my wife Aimee in a boating accident a week before Christmas this past year. In the immediate aftermath of this terrible loss ? not ?not only to me but also to our then three-year old daughter, Aimee?s family, loved ones, and friends ? I turned to social media.

Other than the closest family and friends whom I called, I made the announcement of Aimee?s death via Facebook the day after the accident. That same day, I started a blog titled Missing Aimee, through which I?ve shared my grief process. As word began to spread through various social media outlets, much needed support came pouring in.

Facebook clearly was not contributing to loneliness ? it was facilitating the opposite. Social media in general, were saving my life. All those connections I?d made were coming through for me.

The reason those connections were so valuable was because of the effort I?d made in the years prior to that tragic day, when I had built and maintained real relationships with the people I was connected to via social media.

In other words:

I treat my online relationships the same way I treat my offline relationships. I treat them like they?re important to me, because they are.

So when the proverbial stuff hit the fan in my life, a lot of those ?connections? were real friends. The love, support, and help I needed were there because those people genuinely cared about me.

In their tough times, I had been there for them.?I had invested time in those relationships. Many of these connections were more than just a number of ?friends? or ?followers? in a social media profile. They were real, in the most important sense of the word.

Before the advent of social media, we all knew popular people who had lots of friends. But most of those friendships were pretty shallow and didn?t mean much in the long run. Today is no different. It?s just virtual and more global than ever.

There are many articles debating the quality of?online vs. offline relationships.

People, I?m here to tell you that it doesn?t make a difference. Yes, I believe it?s important to get to know people ?in real life? and spend face time with them, but you can have a real friendship with someone without it.

Where the rubber really meets the road, what truly determines the quality of the relationships in your life, online or off, is the time you invest in them.

Pat Rhoads is the social media specialist for AdoptUSKids, a position he?s held for a little more than a year and a half. More importantly, he?s the father of an amazing four-year-old daughter. In addition to playing with her and wasting hours a day on Twitter, Pat also enjoys the outdoors, photography, and playing both the guitar and golf very badly (though not at the same time). You can follow him on Twitter @patmrhoads. He blogs at Missing Aimee.?

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TBR 313: Jane Austen and marriage

Jane Austen & Marriage, Hazel Jones

I don't read much literary criticism. As important as books have always been to me, I never wanted to study literature. I feel like I didn't learn the language of lit crit, so I can't understand much of it. But I do enjoy reading biographies of my favorite authors, discovering more about their lives and the context of their writing. With Jane Austen, I also enjoy books that explore an aspect of her worlds, real and fictional, through her novels and her own life. I think of these as the "Jane Austen and" books. One of my favorites is Maggie Lane's Jane Austen and Food. I've also learned a lot from Irene Collins' Jane Austen and the Clergy, Susannah Fullerton's Jane Austen & Crime, and Mary Waldron's Jane Austen and the Fiction of Her Time. When I saw a review of Jane Austen & Marriage in the JASNA newsletter, I added it to my list.

I enjoyed this informative and entertaining book very much. Hazel Jones notes in her introduction that marriage in Jane Austen's time is a complex subject: "These were years of great change and great resistance to change, creating a state of flux in that trickiest of personal relationships, marriage." One of the more influential changes was the growing ideal of companionate marriage, based on love, rather than marriage for social or financial gain. If the goal was a loving, stable, lasting relationship, rather than a marriage of convenience, the choice of a partner became critical, and the criteria different. How did one make the best choice, and who should do the choosing? Jones argues that the ideal of companionate marriage also challenged traditional views of dominant husbands and subservient wives, though she notes that many traditionalists criticized what they saw as radical theories bent on destroying marriage and family.

Jones explores several different aspects of marriage, including courtship, the wedding itself, the honeymoon, marital problems, the arrival of children, and naturally, given Austen's own life, the fate of those who never married ("spinsterhood" vs. "single blessedness"). In discussing each aspect, Jones draws on Austen's experiences and that of her family and friends, particularly as described in her letters, as well as the lives of her fictional characters. In addition, she brings in the experiences of Austen's contemporaries though their letters and journals, as well as newspaper articles. Jones also relies on conduct manuals and advice books, including the sermons of Rev. James Fordyce, which Mr. Collins chose to read aloud to his cousins, at least until Lydia's yawns offended him. Jones has great fun pointing out the absurdity of some of their arguments, though a few times she seems to take them a bit personally, and a tone of irritation slips through, as in her description of the Rev. Thomas Gisborne, who "deprecated the 'rage of rambling' and brandished St Paul - woman must be a 'keeper at home' - as a big stick to beat wandering females back indoors."

Each of Jane Austen's heroines ends up in a companionate marriage, though each takes a different route and a different hero. Her parents' marriage was a companionate one, as were her brothers'. I had not considered the effect of her parents' marriage on her own view of marriage. I've always been more intrigued by the lack of strong mothers in Austen's books, given her close relationship with her own mother. But in her circle of family and friends, she had many different varieties of marriage to study. From them, Jones contends, she developed an understanding of marriage that combined practicality with romance:

No Jane Austen heroine marries for money: affection is always part of the equation - yet the recognition that romance alone would neither keep body and soul together nor sustain martial accord is a crucial element underpinning all of her writing.

At the same time, Austen recognized the toll that marriage could take on a woman, in constant child-bearing, in marital problems. But single women, particularly those who like Austen herself lacked financial resources, faced many difficulties and hardships, including the ridicule society expressed for "old maids." Jones argues, though, that "Jane Austen knew that for her, the prospect of becoming an old maid at last was her best chance of self-fulfillment," because it gave her the space, the time, to concentrate on her writing. As she told her family, "her books were her children."

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Justin Bieber, Usher Vie To Top Billboard Chart

Bieber's Believe enters charts just one week after his mentor's Looking 4 Myself, as Usher tells MTV News, 'We support each other.'
By Christina Garibaldi

Usher and Justin Bieber
Photo:

For the past several years, Usher has been helping his protégé Justin Bieber become an international pop star. The pair have collaborated on songs and onstage, but now they are about to have their first battle — on the charts.

Usher's album, Looking 4 Myself, debuted on top of the Billboard albums chart, becoming his fourth #1 album after selling 128,000 copies in its first week. But now it's Bieber's turn: Just one week later, Bieber will be entering the charts with his third studio album, Believe and early predictions are expecting huge album sales.

According to Billboard, Believe is on course to sell between 410,000 and 440,000 units, which would make it the year's biggest debut to date.

Even though Bieber is on track to beat his mentor in sales, the R&B superstar isn't concerned.

Regarding whether he and Bieber speak about topping each other on the charts, Usher told MTV News, "Actually, we have not had that conversation. We try to calculate when we release so that we support each other. It's like a seesaw: 'You take it this week; I'll take it this week.' "

Usher also said that even though he and Bieber do not appear on each other's albums, he was still heavily involved in each song that made the cut on Believe.

"We talked about many different things when making his album. The coolest part about it is we support each other regardless if I'm on the album or he's on my album or not," Usher said. "Every album, it is that sit-down that we have to have, to go through this record. We talk about the audiences that are there: This song is for this audience member, this song is for this region. And that's always very helpful."

Bieber shared during "MTV First: Justin Bieber" that he still turns to Usher for sound advice.

"He's just giving me the advice of: Always keep the people that were there at the beginning and keep them with you, because those are the people that really care and they want to see you succeed."

Do you expect Justin Bieber to top Usher on the charts? Sound off below!

Related Videos

• MTV News Extended Play: Usher
• MTV First: Justin Bieber

Related Artists

• Justin Bieber
• Usher

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BREAKING: Aaron Walker Victory in Maryland Emergency Hearing ...

Posted on | June 25, 2012 | 61 Comments

FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
At a hearing this morning in Rockville, Maryland, a Montgomery County Circuit Court granted an emergency motion on behalf of attorney/blogger Aaron Walker. The effect of the ruling will permit Walker to resume writing and speaking about convicted terrorist bomber Brett Kimberln.

Judge Nelson W. Rupp Jr. presided over today?s hearing, with attorney Reginald W. Bours III representing Walker, who did not attend the hearing at Judicial Center in Rockville. In a brief telephone interview, Walker said that Kimberlin filed a counter-motion that did not address the First Amendment legal issues at stake, but rather ?made a bunch of new accusations? against Walker.

It is important to note that Judge Rupp?s ruling only temporarily permits Walker to speak and write about Kimberlin, pending a July 5 hearing in Maryland state appeals court. Walker is appealing a May 29 ruling by Montgomery County District Court Judge C.J. Vaughey that granted a peace order sought by Kimberlin against Walker.

Walker said he plans to file a report on today?s hearing at his blog, Allergic to Bull. A Virginia attorney, Walker has become the center of national attention since May 17, when he published a 28,000-word blog post entitled, ?How Brett Kimberlin Tried to Frame Me for a Crime (And How You Can Help!).? Walker?s post highlighted Kimberlin?s?long-running efforts harass and intimidate bloggers who had written about Kimberlin?s criminal history.

Kimberlin is director of a 501(c) non-profit, the Justice Through Music Project, which has collected more than $1.8 million in contributions since 2005. Kimberlin also co-founded another tax-exempt activist group, Velvet Revolution, that has made headlines (and raised money) by making accusations of wrongdoing?against a variety of public figures, including GOP strategist Karl Rove, U.S. Chamber of Commerce President Tom Donohue, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, and the late Andrew Breitbart.

In addition to his appeal in Maryland state courts, Walker has filed for an emergency preliminary injunction in federal court.

As the legal blog Popehat notes, UCLA Law Professor (and popular blogger)?Eugene Volokh has agreed to provide pro bono assistance to Walker?s legal defense team. University of Tennessee Law Professor Glenn Harlan Reynolds,?whose blog Instapundit is one of the most popular center-right sites,?has also shown strong?support for Walker.

Patrick ?Patterico? Frey also promises to provide more?commentary about the Walker-Kimberlin case. Walker, writing under the pseudonym ?Aaron Worthing,? was formerly a co-blogger at Patterico.com, a popular conservative site.

Award-winning conservative blogger Ace of Spades comments on today?s Maryland ruling. Ace was one of the targets of an escalating pattern of harassment against bloggers that evidently began last year, during the Anthony Weiner cybersex scandal.

Democrat ?social media? consultant Neal Rauhauser has described Kimberlin as a ?client.? Rauhauser evidently joined forces with Kimberlin?s Velvet Revolution group last summer?and is suspected of?involvement with a Web site, originally aimed at ?exposing??Breitbart, which published items?indicating?an ongoing effort to determine the offline identity of Ace. The anti-Breitbart site has been repeatedly published personal information (including home addresses) of bloggers who wrote about Brett Kimberlin?s criminal past.

Rauhauser became obsessed with a conspiracy theory explanation of the so-called WeinerGate scandal, which resulted in a formerly popular Democratic congressman from New York resigning in disgrace. Rauhauser has boasted of his connections to the criminal computer-hacking ring known as ?Anonymous.?

Both Mike Stack, who played a key role in exposing Weiner, and Patterico ??blamed as a prime suspect in Rauhauser?s conspiracy theory of the WeinerGate scandal ? were targeted?by a harassment?tactic known as?SWATting, a dangerous criminal hoax. In a May 25 blog post, Patterico named Rauhauser, Kimberlin and former Raw Story editor Ron Brynaert among those he suspects of complicity in the bogus 911 call that resulted in a police raid on Patterico?s Los Angeles home.

Aaron Walker describes his own situation: ?An Important Victory For Freedom of Expression,? which includes a link to?Judge Rupp?s order. Aaron says to expect further updates.

(Note: This article was originally posted at 10:46 a.m. ET as a single paragraph, and subsequently updated seven times over the course of three hours as new information was added. I have now removed the ?update? notices for ease of reading.)

? Robert Stacy McCain, Whereabouts Unknown

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Data Recovery Methods With regard to Arduous Drives - Carecrunch

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